Still here

I have always wondered if my life is worth living.

This statement may affronted my family and relatives but forgive me , it's true.

For an excruciating long time I have been maintaining a facade.For an agonising waste of the "180 days" and  counting, I have been playing the role of someone other than me.

Everything else became less important, more hazzy, like a dream, like an old television movie with the black and white. I saw but I didn't observed. Lost in my own daydreams and my own thoughts. I knew this feeling is a bad signal but I ignored and it turns out to be an epic emotion.

No one but I know.

Thought about argument with my friend, problems with peer pressure , the pressure to conform , fitting in, and I wonder how far I should go to be 'one of the crowd?

I am alone with my thoughts and memories as the world closes down to just me. I cannot run from deeper questions within me, the ones which I never want to answer, cannot hide, but I have to face the hard truth, the disturbing question.

FOR I KNOW THAT A MANY TIME IT SERVES AS THE ONLY DEFENSE AGAINST THE HARSH JUDGEMENT AND CRITICISM OF OTHERS.

now I am beginning to learn, to prepare myself for what is to come when I will take the final step of this transient moment, and stride out into the thuderstorm of adulthood with my back straight and head held high. Insecure? yes

Nevertheless I will not falter for I have the virtues gained from my past clutched firmly to my chest.

because I'm Muhammad Farid bin roslan and it's fischer's rule. 

IGNORANCE IS BETTER THAN FITTING IN

Big man enthalpy P.P.R.P

I squinted at the clock and it was 2.45 a.m in the morning and I was thinking hardly what did actually am I doing here. yep these were hectic weeks , rough and tough or shall I call it MACABRE week ever in my life.

this month of September are full with challenges,hardcore mistakes and miseries.

 I'm screwed and my life has changes 60 percent anti gravity.

Whoever that makes my life misery must have run out of ideas.It has nothing to do with being profane. There has to be subject well in my case several subjects, that P.P.R.P and all of them.

Aidilfitri went well. I got "duit raya" and I was happy :). even though I hate seeing my relatives and talk about my grades and everything I still do love to go to the open house having rendang and whatsoever. The ultimate food fiesta has ended and the A.D.A.M celebration,tests,assignments continues the vague burden of mine.

THE A.D.A.M THINGS.

one thing for sure I GIVE Up.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect, I can't live up to your expectations because I can't live up to mine.

You said get over it. I know you're already fed up of all my worries and the same problems I face. I whine about it. So what if I do.I'm barely 20 and I feel NUMB. SO PLEASE go away. You're just not worth it big man.

NOW AM JUST GOING TO CONCENTRATE FOR THE FINAL EXAMS AND GET AN EXCELLENT RESULT, THAT'S IT~ I HAD ENOUGH.

BUT ANYWAY

THANKS TO GOD , HE CREATED ME SEVERAL ENTITIES THAT MAKE ME SMILE :)