connected

i

breathe deep through your nose, close ytour mouth and exhale slowly,that is my way of solving problems and relaxing my mind , well it may sounds simple but trust me when you have to memorize 48++ name of classes and phylum for the biological diversity subject u may need that to somehow make time or enjoy the little things happened in the compund of your life....well.when i talk about little things perhaps yes...im currently sit for my final examinations in uitm pilah...my last final exam insyallah and soon may continue my studies at medical shool indonesia or dietitics in malaysia...whatever...its enought o be surrounded by few of my tue friends and feel connected to them... im sure im gonna miss this soon.

of rationale and happiness

it was another typically cloudy but hot pilah afternoon. yes the morning haze had burned off, leaving nothing but a totally blue gry sky over my direct head , it didn't lighthen either darken my mood . sad to say. i feel perfectly normal and nothing. yep no drama, at least not a horror one, just a simple comedy of us. this very lest semeste began. my semester 6  as a student of pilahdelphia Uitm ...haha..its already the third week of lecture and there are so many things to do. lab reports,assignments,work proposal,quizes and others. well i really dont want to talk about that..hah....anyway...i just want to say....i feel good right now.... and guess what..at last i got ma tab ! Yay.muahxx...love you mom..i'll 100% take care of it!

well throughout the rest of the day im still having fun with all my friends with this on going fever getting on and off inside the pity body of mine. ahax.. whatever it is! im happy !

it has walls , a strong foundation and many differnt rooms, the more deeply the foundation is sunk the stronger the walls are and the more rooms that can be addd on.. and thats what i called self-confidence :)

cleared moment

Question whirled around my mind and I was confused and anxious. I dragged myself towards the wide screen of the ACER laptop of mine wondering what might happen and what should I do if the nightmares become true. FULLSTOP. no. "It will not" literally my mouth spoke rather than my mind.

so, approximately on 2.31 a.m, there was a message sent to my very inbox~ it was from the university and yep.....that was it. the result examination of my semester 5.

As I dragged the pointer towards the inbox my heart was racing faster and i got sweat all around my neck and bare hands. 

CLICK!

yep! the moment of clarity

remember when people always say that"expect the unexpected"

well frankly speaking this semester result is still beyond my expectations . thank you ALLAH S.W.T :)

Freakingly amazed, I actually got an A for my Internet programming *javascript yang mcm hell, Organic chem and Human biology! hihi!

: D! WHATEVER IT IS, I REALLY NEED TO STRIVE FOR THE LAST SEMESTER.

HOPE FOR 4.00.. aminn :)...

the on going assessment

It's depressing to think that someone could condense their entire existence into a mere hundred words. but what's more stodgy is that it takes just a few sentenced fragments to describe what I do for this semester break.

I eat.I sleep. I shop.I jog.

That's all!!!

it was fun but however most of the time I spent my holiday watching a full season of SUPERNATURAL,ONE TREE HILL,BONES. 

to be perfectly frank, I doubt the story of my life (in the sem break) would inspire anyone any time soon, unless for some reason they needed an inspiration to be boring! 

anyway 2 days ago I went to pavillion with izzi, zach and alia did some shopping and gossipping~ haha! it was really great until I had to sent izzi home at 1.10 a.m and got lost on my way back home! SUCKS! THAT WAS A really UNFORGETTABLE MOMENT of all my life!

 it supposed to be FROM SHAH ALAM TO PUTRAJAYA  but then

from SHAH ALAM - KLANG - PORT KLANG - KUALA LUMPUR - PUTRAJAYA!

what the fuck was that and i was ALL by myslef at that particular period figuring the road back to putrajaya had to called my dad and abg shah and eventually i got home by 4.30 a.m!!.... .huhuhhuh.talk about bad luck!

well.FULLSTOP. 

the final result announcement WOULD BE ANNOUNCED soon or shall i say just straight ahead the corner and i have a very bad feeling about this one.huh whatever it is am just going to accept it and move on! arghhhhhh!

BE THAT as it may,however, I'm still having fun!!!... accompanied by a few of my great friends, sure we may not party past 3 a.m like some wild people but we do have our own fun right? hihi! well..good luck TO ME and have a safe and great holiday!

ouh2 i forgot, i had to postponed my vacay to korea TO THIS DECEMBER

22 december - 28 december WE GO !

:D

izzi and zach :)

 alia!! :)

the break

The holiday or semester break is stuffed to bursting with questions people ask me.

For instance, how is your life? how was the final exams? how are you doing? what semester are you in right now? bla bla bla bla bla bla......

SUCKS.

had done my MUET speaking~ haha~ it was so blurry and vague. I was just start talking about sex education and bla bla bla...!!! well i didn't conclude the conclusion at the individual section and at the group discussion I can barely heard what the other candidates were saying as they all being MUTED for the entire session, and it took me 10 minutes to speak about the sex education!!well, I mean what the heck man...I was seriously not prepared for that kind of situation.well it's my fault, had skipped every MUET practice class! hah!.Whatever it is, hope for the band 4 at least~ at least I've done my best~  huh..
SO HERE COMES THE BREAK.

To be frank,I think,I hate the semester break even though I know that,deeply in my logical geometric brain." I'm  seriously enjoying it."

thought of going to jog , but still not starting it yet~

well,finishing my semester break by going out to the movies,eating, sleeping during the day, clubbing during the night??*not exactly,reading novels,watching's' supernatural,bones,grey's anatomy and waiting for the exam result......and bla bla bla... well..i don't think i would hold the dean's list scroll for this semester .. i mean, i'm screwed! whatever it is, strive for the semester 6.. daa~ anyway

..i had captured some pictures FOR The past 2 weekS..

had the meatballs with sophie and marlene at the ikea

f

ririn!

 alia :)

ichi!

but seriously, I'm totally broke! i had used all my money on the garden,chilis,IKEA MEATBALLS,movies,nichi,ice room and mcdonald! agagagaggaag~
NEED MORE MONEY!
okay that's all for today. well..i know .lame! WHATEVER BASTARD :)

of dramas and lines

The lightning at PILAH looks so brilliant.

3 years ago, I struggle to belong somewhere .FRIENDSHIP.

to me, my friends are like a shot of epinepherine rushing through my arteries. Our time together is an empty 'high' for me, and I only feel worse later on. Eventually I get depressed because I realize I no longer relate to those peers. Seem immature, makes me an etilist snob, priding myself in thinking I am better than others.

I began to feel numb towards life but at least I'm not upset by small things anymore.

well, time is limited. 

THEY PROBABLY there right now, enjoying themselves.

yes, I admitted, those were great time

but come on guys  the clouds are clearing up now, revealing the sky and the rain slows to a drizzle, I will not live in a fake lie. 

well as far as you concern, if you had read this, yes all of you.

the line between us has diminished greatly, no longer a wall and it's certainly not very noticeable.

I'll go ahead and GOODBYE :). ite been such a pleasure for us to be friends.

* ouh please spread those ugly rumors , I don't care because it isn't true.

 haha!

AND PLEASE YANG LAIN JANGAN NAK INTERFERE SGT LA.

MOVE ON BOLEH?

ANYWAY I'M TRULY SORRY IF I HAVE AFFRONTED ANY OF YOU. 

*xyh nak buat cerita palsu kat sume org sgtla, aku dh x kaco hidup korunk,ape aku buat sampai korunk jadik gila mcm ney pun aku  taw,

ingat lagi  SEKALI aku dengar .

SIAP~. AKU DIAM, DIAM JUGAK. JANGAN SAMPAI AKU BERSUARA.

THANK YOU.

ONCE AGAIN. AKU MINTA MAAF .

Still here

I have always wondered if my life is worth living.

This statement may affronted my family and relatives but forgive me , it's true.

For an excruciating long time I have been maintaining a facade.For an agonising waste of the "180 days" and  counting, I have been playing the role of someone other than me.

Everything else became less important, more hazzy, like a dream, like an old television movie with the black and white. I saw but I didn't observed. Lost in my own daydreams and my own thoughts. I knew this feeling is a bad signal but I ignored and it turns out to be an epic emotion.

No one but I know.

Thought about argument with my friend, problems with peer pressure , the pressure to conform , fitting in, and I wonder how far I should go to be 'one of the crowd?

I am alone with my thoughts and memories as the world closes down to just me. I cannot run from deeper questions within me, the ones which I never want to answer, cannot hide, but I have to face the hard truth, the disturbing question.

FOR I KNOW THAT A MANY TIME IT SERVES AS THE ONLY DEFENSE AGAINST THE HARSH JUDGEMENT AND CRITICISM OF OTHERS.

now I am beginning to learn, to prepare myself for what is to come when I will take the final step of this transient moment, and stride out into the thuderstorm of adulthood with my back straight and head held high. Insecure? yes

Nevertheless I will not falter for I have the virtues gained from my past clutched firmly to my chest.

because I'm Muhammad Farid bin roslan and it's fischer's rule. 

IGNORANCE IS BETTER THAN FITTING IN