Still here

I have always wondered if my life is worth living.

This statement may affronted my family and relatives but forgive me , it's true.

For an excruciating long time I have been maintaining a facade.For an agonising waste of the "180 days" and  counting, I have been playing the role of someone other than me.

Everything else became less important, more hazzy, like a dream, like an old television movie with the black and white. I saw but I didn't observed. Lost in my own daydreams and my own thoughts. I knew this feeling is a bad signal but I ignored and it turns out to be an epic emotion.

No one but I know.

Thought about argument with my friend, problems with peer pressure , the pressure to conform , fitting in, and I wonder how far I should go to be 'one of the crowd?

I am alone with my thoughts and memories as the world closes down to just me. I cannot run from deeper questions within me, the ones which I never want to answer, cannot hide, but I have to face the hard truth, the disturbing question.

FOR I KNOW THAT A MANY TIME IT SERVES AS THE ONLY DEFENSE AGAINST THE HARSH JUDGEMENT AND CRITICISM OF OTHERS.

now I am beginning to learn, to prepare myself for what is to come when I will take the final step of this transient moment, and stride out into the thuderstorm of adulthood with my back straight and head held high. Insecure? yes

Nevertheless I will not falter for I have the virtues gained from my past clutched firmly to my chest.

because I'm Muhammad Farid bin roslan and it's fischer's rule. 

IGNORANCE IS BETTER THAN FITTING IN